Beltane is the time we celebrate sexuality! It's a time full of enthusiasm and warmth. The trees and flowers are blossoming, the days are getting longer and warmer, and sex and love are in the air! It's not just humans that are at it. The animals and plants are too. This is the time of year that we celebrate the sacred union, the act of love-making, and all that blossoms from it. It's a celebration of life.
It's pretty clear in our society how powerful the energy of sex is. It's used to sell a multitude of things. And we're often told what it is to be sexual. By companies, by patriarchy. It's normally about our appearance and how to behave. But is that really what it is to be sexually empowered? I'm pretty sure we can look very hot to others but on the inside feel absolutely empty and unsexy. Is that really what we want? Maybe there is more to being sexually empowered than that.
I often notice in my work with sexuality, the huge impact that patriarchy has on women and their connection to their sexuality. I notice the shame, the inability to connect with their pleasure, the inability to voice their needs to their partners. I notice the pressure women put on themselves to be what they feel is attractive, to feel it, and to perform it. (I'm very aware that we are all victims of these strange rules that are put on us by society and how we "should" behave no matter what our gender.) The thing is, it just doesn't work like that. Being sexually empowered is not about performance. It's not about what you wear or put on your skin. It's something that arises from within. It's like a flower that grows, given the right climate. Not only that, but when we are really connected to our sexual power, something else happens to us. It gives us access to a very powerful sacred space within us. It grounds us and centers us into our truth. It liberates and empowers and us in every aspect of our lives.
Six months' from Beltane, on the opposite side of the year it'll be the time of darkness. Samhain. The time of the Dark Goddess, the Witch and the Hag. The time of death and introspection. The time where we traditionally honour our ancestors and the dead.
There are many facets to sexual empowerment. But one important one, is to honour the other side of us. The side of woman that we're not allowed to be by society's rules.
This season of Beltane, I've been dancing the Goddess of Love and sensuality, and the Goddess of Darkness. I noticed the importance of honouring both sides and how they affect my sexual empowerment. There are many aspects to Dark Goddesses. To me, one of the things the Hag represents is all the aspects of me that are unacceptable within patriarchal society. The so called "ugliness",( Let me just say here that what we perceive about ourselves as "ugly" is not ugly at all. It's actually part of our beauty that we've been taught not to appreciate so people can sell us crap.) the unsexy, the angry, the dark, the sad, the old, the aggressive, the wildness. All the parts of me I repress so I can be an acceptable woman! She doesn't care what anyone thinks. She's not interested in being sexy or playing the game. And She exists within us all. My dances with Her this season made me realise that for me to be truly sexually empowered and authentic, I need to be really comfortable standing in all the parts of me I consider to be unsexy. When I can sit in being unsexy, not performing, not caring what others think, I suddenly have a whole load more energy to focus on my pleasure and connecting with my partner. I also have a new direction of focus which isn't from the outside looking in. I'm not worrying about what I look like. I'm not worried about performing. I am not repressing my wildness. So I experience way more pleasure. I free myself up. And then sexual-ness just flows and flows. The right person, who's worked on themselves will truly love and embrace that with me.
I am adding some links here to some books and sites here to help you access your authentic sexual power.
I also offer sacred sexual healing sessions for women. Please feel free to drop me a line if you have questions or would like to book something.